today at work i officially started on the lines and traded. woohoo! i didn't have anything dealt though...hopefully tomorrow a kind trader will give me a deal (keeping my fingers crossed!)...market has been pretty quiet today...but the combined deals almost reached one billion pesos! not bad for a team which just started!
i'm taking off from the previous blog which i wrote last sunday...i did have a great long weekend! at first i thought my saturday till monday night will be devoted to facebook and guilty pleasure websites...happy to be wrong! i heard mass on sunday with mami and we ate at java man in powerbooks...i txted nick and ede that night to thank them for the conversation last saturday...because i really felt blessed that they were there for me that time. :-) enchanted kingdom, sadly, didn't push through yesterday because they weren't open for the holiday (and i don't know why). so there were 10 people who met up in rockwell who didn't have any concrete plans for the day...it was really exciting haha! holiday hangout attendance: elaine f.ede.nick.elaine l.ponzi.pao.matt.saj.bing.heather. the enchanted kingdom plan, which was pulled back to tagaytay, was pulled back to...MALL OF ASIA!!! hahahahaha! what a trip! good thing we didn't end up in the garden of nick's place.:p moa was loads of fun though...we were a very, VERY happy bunch! *wink wink* we visited the science center and played in timezone...finally had a nice dinner at razon's...went back to nick's place and played skate.:-)
...i still choose (or maybe force myself??) to see the goodness in people...no matter how cruel or insensitive or mean or inconsiderate or put your own negative word here they are. or they are just THEM. why?? oh well...i wouldn't ask why anymore...because WWJD! and this whole positive thinking thing has been really working for me...and it WILL continue to work for me! i'm on the fast lane to living my "three-fold utopian dream" (thank you incubus!): a great love. great family and friends. great job. i believe that when people tell me they would do something, THEY WILL FOLLOW THROUGH. (HE WILL FOLLOW THROUGH.) i believe that only the best things will happen to me and that people who treat me with love and respect are the only ones who will stay in my wonderful, wonderful life. life is just great and living everyday is a miracle in itself! thank You, thank You, thank You.
anyway, i just missed writing a lot...helps me stay positive! i wish leah would blog already!!! i can't wait to read her stuff! time for a hefty.........wait. team greenhills txted just now to say that he is back from hongkong. haha! how sweet he even txted yesterday asking me for my shirt size...like i would be anything bigger than a small.:p oh well...let's see what happens...time for a hefty dinner!
mood: optimistic...with an inner smile. (i know that's not a mood but whatever!)
*stretch stretch........*
it's a cool sunday morning...6 hours of sleep after last night's hangout at route196 for ephesus' promo cd launch! it was funnn! i missed route196! good thing i was able to fight the urge to sleep on the comfy couch...my tummy was still churning beer from friday night's successful beerfest! friday night good...saturday night good...tonight will be as well...and tomorrow, hopefully, enchanted kingdom pushes through. my long weekend would be great after all! :-)
and so i return to vox...the original home of elaine's raving, ranting and venting. man i sound like i'm selling pancit! on second thought...i actually like the idea...my thoughts right now can be compared to pancit with lots of ingredients in it. there's just too much on my mind that i have to let out at least a few. but here i am taking forever to type decent sentences...i think i'm not used to blogging anymore...i have to get back to the habit. it used to be VERY therapeutic hehe.
yesterday i watched twilight with ina...after my supposed "twilight date" made it clear that he didn't want to watch a chick flick. so i watched with a chick then! and it was good! not the best movie...but tolerable. haha. after that, i called him because i missed his call during the movie...only to find out that he can't make it to makati for the night. so much for my plans...but what bothered me more was that i knew i sounded disappointed when i said "okay" to what he said. aaarrrrggghhh! i seriously, SERIOUSLY wanted to slap myself! but ina already did that for me...not literally...but she knocked some sense into my head. and that was better/worse than a physical slap. better because i know it's coming from a good place and she only wants the best for me...worse because as much as it sucks, i feel it's true. this whole "hanging out"...i am SO not used to it! this is NOT how i know hangouts. hangouts don't leave you with a flashing big red question mark hovering above your head!!!
after the movie we headed to rockwell to get drinks...not part of the plans haha! but it was a great move...nick and ede met up with us...and they gave me advice on how to deal with the situation. but now i have two sides to choose from...one says ask and make things clear...the other says don't ask and just go with the flow. and they are people whose opinions count! so what to do...what to do...? i guess i just have to wait for that moment...my instincts would tell me. i like hanging out with him. but the question mark that blinks after follows me to work and continues to blink even as i stare on the white board where i am only supposed to find prices to quote for trading. bid...offer...question mark!!! shiyet! haha! i'm not used to it!!! meanwhile...things get even more confusing as team greenhills looks like it has decided to step up it's game...in a way. but it's too soon to tell. damn! i should be single and loving it! but now i'm single and going crazy!
despite all these, i've got so much to be thankful for. i won 10k at the aci christmas party raffle! lucky, lucky me! i'm glad i had i nice friday and saturday...that i got to talk to my friends and i have this great group of friends. as discussed last night over cocktails and beer, after all the drama, at the end of the day we're still friends. we have different and shared passions and it's just amazing how we still mesh well as a group. beerfest proved that. if we could only have beerfests every month! hahaha! i miss my friends a lot. especially veds! i hope that things will be okay...and will continue to be okay. thank you, thank you, thank you.
with that said, i shall now eat breakfast and get ready to be a mallrat for the day! today and the rest of the week will be great. :-)
I think that last blog of mine was last year. I'm way much better now I must say. Still a little miserable but okay. We all get a liitle bit miserable once in a while right?
I graduated last month.. CONGRATULATIONS to me! =) It's such an achievement, especially after 5 long years. Its finally paid off actually...
I have work now. I've been working for the past 3 months. And unlike some "working" people I know, I enjoy what I do. I'm the events officer for ETC. I've been handling the channel's events and monthly movie premieres. So when it comes to my career.. it does seem like I'm on the right path. The road has to split somewhere.. but at the moment, it's not something I'm looking forward to.
What else have happened to me... hmmm... I'm in a relationship right now. Quite complicated but working on it. We've been together for a couple of months and the past months have been really good. Its not called the "honeymoon stage" for nothing. But yeah, it comes to the point when the relationship gets a little rough 'round the edges. Its not exactly perfect, but I'm hanging on.
I miss blogging. Just ranting on stuff happening in my life.. I'll do my very best to make this work again. It just that my job's taking up most of my time. BUT.. I'm not complaining. *wink*
So there, just a little update. =)
Its holy week and its perfect time to reflect and of course doze off a bit.. which I'm going to do right about now...
We all try to make a world of our own. It could be just temporary, depending on what we'd like to believe. When we make a decision.. we lay out the expected result of making such decision.. and do it as if everything lies in our hands. We do things and we take risks believing it'll end up the way we want it to (which by the way defeats the purpose of taking a "risk") Thus, we think we've created a world we have control of. We do things our way. And against all odds, we live in that world.... that is, until it breaks, and we snap back to this much much bigger world.. and soon, reality bites us in the ass.
I don't even know if I made any sense. It's just that sometimes we do things that we know may hurt us in the end yet we take that big leap of faith to prove the world wrong. Because in the "world" we've created for ourselves, what we've laid out is possible. We walk blindly, we cover our ears, we refuse to absorb any negativity because we believe our world exists. Soon enough, we'll come to realize that what surrounds us matters. How we live our world affects the people around us as well as our relationships, those that actually belong to the "real world". We can't just live selfishly. Sooner or later, the world we've created no longer exists. What hurts is when it happens at the most unexpected time.
I'm going in circles here. It's just that I made my own world in the past months. Now it's gone. A world no one knew about. (Don't ask.) I didn't even think it was another world until I lost it. I've finally come to realize that it was bound to end. I cant believe it took me a long time to have that epiphany. I got so caught up living it that I took for granted my life in the real one.
One thing holds true for me now....
We can never have the best of both worlds.
Because there is just one.
The one we do not create.
Never has it been so painful. Never have I felt so little.
I wish I could just talk about it. Now's probably not the best time, but I'll get there.
Until then, I'll be typing away, hoping that with every tap on the keyboard, I let out things and hope that it lessens the pain. Until then, I'll be faking a smile till I'm able to pull off a real one. Maybe one day, I'll be able to say I'm genuinely happy and actually mean it. And when that time comes, I will no longer need to resort to writing these nonsensical entries that only I can understand. Maybe by then, I will no longer need to keep things to myself.
I wish this didn't have to happen. I wish I didn't have to go through this. If this isn't rock bottom, I can't imagine what is.
Almost always, I try to keep myself composed just enough for other people not to notice..
But you know, sometimes..
I lose it too.
I know I haven't blogged for quite sometime. I will soon. Anyway, this is a favor for a very close friend... I just need to post this. She's been bad. We're hoping that this might reach him.....
She writes:
Tonight I try to keep my eyes shut
But tears just keep on flowing.
I'm like a river with no sea,
Clueless of where I'm going.I fear what tomorrow brings
Will I still see the light of day?
I'm drowning in this misery
Do you ever wonder if I'm okay?How does everything end
Faster than a blink of an eye?
I didn't even get the chance
To hold you, touch you, ask whyPlease help me comprehend
Why I walk alone this one way road
This should've been me and you
But now you treat me so coldGive me just a little of your time
To get you back, I won't dare try
My heart just needs reasons
To have the strength to say goodbye.
I hope you find time to talk to her.
For the first time, I cooked dinner myself. Just me. My mom went out of town for the weekend and instead of heating all those ready-to-eat-microwaveable-food, I decided to cook. :D I usually do some frying or some microwave-ing.. but never cook, cook. LOL. I wanted to surprise my family, consequently seem a little more productive than they think I am. And I ended up, cooking.
I made Beef with Chinese Broccoli and Chicken Satay. I looked up recipes in a Thai Cookbook. The beef w/ broccoli dish tasted great accdg. to my dad (believe me he wouldn't say such thing just to make me feel better, he'd go as far as opening a can of pork and beans if my dish sucked).. however, he said it wasn't really appealing to the eyes. I guess I put too much cornstarch that the sauce thickened. Not bad for a first dish. The chicken satay was for my brother since he liked food that had curry on them. He said it was perfect. He said he wouldn't have had it any other way.... and that, my friends, marks the beginning of my new hobby - COOKING. I'm inspired by those words.. and surprisingly, I enjoyed preparing ingredients, cooking, and having people appreciate it. Awesome.
...the best way to a man's heart eh?
We'll see. ♥
Today, I went on a road trip with a few friends.. It was a spontaneous thing on the first day of our summer classes. I was with jay, elaine and peter. :) We went all the way to Tagaytay.. about 60km away from school. I needed that break from all the stress. Plus it was cooler there. I haven't felt the wind for a few months now. Since tagaytay is on a higher ground.. we could feel the cool breeze. We ate at Viewsite resto.. our bill reached almost P 1,400! (Food: Sinigang na tilapia sa Sampaloc, Pork Sisig, Inihaw na Liempo, Green Mango Ensalada, Grilled Eggplant Ensalada, and about 8 cups of rice! note: there were only four of us. LOL.) We were definitely full... and I slept all throughout the trip home. I slept soundly despite jay's loud house music in his car. :P A few hours in a different environment made me unwind. This was a real good day. ♥
Our professor dismissed us an hour early so we had the time to leave the city and be back before dark. It was a simple thing but it felt like an adventure for me...
I really enjoyed today. God is good.
(I'll post pictures when I find a means to do so.)
